lucky

i am so free at work and since depressingly there isn't msn, i could only serve the net aimlessly anddd, i found this! new song duet by two of my current favourite singers; jason mraz and colbie caillat. i love it and i think it's clever. made me smile so much on my own in office (: somehow, it reminds me of music & lyrics' way back into love...



Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

beautiful ain't it? happy lovely song (: (: (:
now, where's my happy yummy food? ;-b

brief one

quick catching up with roseline, my previous ocbc sup. surprisingly she told me the excitement and sparkle in my eyes since nearly a year ago (phew, THAT was fast) when i was working with her are now somewhat gone/missing. at first, i didn't know how to react to that but as i made time to ponder about my most current evolution, i realize there was some truth to it. well, those dreary eyes may have probably been contributed by lethargy from my first day at work. considering the fact that i had been home most of the time prior to that, it would probably take some time for my bio rhythms to adjust and adapt to new changes in the workings of my body. but in any case, that couldn't be the only reason as to why she said that, could it? or so i thought. in wonderment, i discovered deeper insights about myself...that somehow, along the way i have become more reserved in my vocals, introverted in my courage and quiet in my actions. typing this may seem a complete irony don't you think? hahah :-b well, my point is: being more silent and 'tamed', so to speak, isn't such a bad thing after all. because sometimes, we are too caught up with the worldly world; the age of impressions, perceptions and judgments, that we get too boastful and so full of ourselves knowingly or pretense, unknowingly. whether we realize or don't realize it, we fall trap into our own pity all the same. it's really a pity isn't it (see? i'm doing it. sheesh). okay, i may probably not make sense in my ramblings already. tah!

i am too

when rain falls with its thunders and lightnings, it will not fall forever...
sun's definitely going to shine on us again

when wind gush its gentle cool sweeps, it will not gush forever...
drought's definitely going to warm up to us again

have you ever listened to sutra warna just before mag? the songs played and words of wisdoms shared could meddle with your heart for they meant so truly, like an arrow through a bull's eye. especially when you are at your lowest, alone and dejected, wishing for someone who could come and comfort you and assure you things are going to be alright. sometimes it is tiring to understand others and comfort them when you know you are in need of some comfort yourself. that you too, face your own set of challenges. that you are not as strong as others assume you to be. that it's sad that they think you don't need any sort of relieve and retreat for they think you are capable of doing so yourself. that it is even more exhausting to calm your heart in such given circumstances. but most of all, that it is heart wrenching that when you so need it, you could not turn to Him and be grateful to Him for giving you such gifts of challenges to nudge you of your countless ungratefulness.

success does not mean joy and happiness, failure does not mean depression and sufferings

tomorrow's the start of my internship at Levi Strauss. somehow, i'm relieved the field assignment to Indonesia was cancelled. call me conventional or what-have-you but actually, i can't quite yet imagine how's 3 weeks going to be like without my normal sight and sound of familiarity. i know i got to be doing some travelling alone in the future; learning how to be independent, feeling foreign, adapting to difference, managing missing people etc. but probably it's just a sign that i'm not ready and it's not my time as yet, so chill! (: so much for needing Bahasa as a requisite? well, it's my gain in any case. hopefully it's going to be smooth sailing, or bearable the least. hehe...

Perjalanan masa
Mengajar hati
Semakin tabah kini
Di dalam kemarau dan gerimis
Aku tetap tabah mengharungi

Tuhan
Aku bagaikan sebutir pasir
Yang lemah lagi kerdil
Teguhkan keimanan jiwaku
Agar tidak terpesong darimu

- fauziah latiff

pocket full of sunshine

these days, i think, lyrics express me better.

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.

Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
No.

Take me away, A secret place.
A sweet escape, Take me away.
Take me away, To better days.
Take me away, A hiding place.

There's a place that I go,
But nobody knows.
Where the rivers flow,
And I call it home.

And there's no more lies.
In the darkness, there's light.
And nobody cries.
There's only butterflies.

The sun is on my side.
Take me for a ride.
I smile up to the sky.

I know I'll be all right.

always have been

Sikap mu meremukkan hati
Sengaja kau kenang lagi
Kisah menyentuh hati

Gelisah diri ini
Adakah ku diuji

Kasih ku yang terlalu dalam
Usahlah dipersendakan
Sabar dan kejujuran jadi akar cinta
Agar kita bahagia

Berdiri aku di sini bukan untuk seketika
Berdiri aku sebagai perindu
Meski pun jiwa ku sedih
Terasa bagai dihiris
Namun ku tersenyum selalu
Ku sentiasa beri kesempatan
Semoga ada ruang kemesraan

Kita yang punya perasaan
Terkadang rasa terkilan
Janganlah dikeruhkan
Kasih yang sedang tenang
Kerana ku merindu

- ibnor riza

here with you

"And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it"

There are many a times when we feel that our dreams cannot be grasped. Perception of fear and (probably prior) failure shapes this traitorous influence. Especially so, when we are jolted from a test (or two), beyond our hopes and expectations. However, with a strong believe in the purity and decency of the things we wish for, fight on shall we. We must not give up nor lose hope. Faith will follow us through.

uber cuteness

just something to share...this boy is so so so cute, my goodness.



i promise you, boy won't you regret watching this one. (: (: (:

tingles in a silly place

as the waves crash against the shore,
the soothing sound of nature comforts and calms.
dear serenity of unfolding landscape,
let not be told this secret we share.
for i want you for my own,
for i want to keep running back to you in all smiles,
to breathe your blissful welcoming scent,
to let your waves dance in the sparkle of my eyes,
to let your gush of cold embrace my whole.

surprise, surprise...i got all bored too soon. staying in for the last couple of days felt more like a couple of weeks. finally, a dose of outdoor fresh air. a visit to the library was a fruitful one. i managed to get whole of two other coelho's books; 'the alchemist' and 'the devil and miss prym'. started on a few pages of the former and i'm excited to get going, doing something priceless yet productive, deriving comfort and satisfaction all the same (probably even more). oh, i got 'ayat ayat cinta', the novel too (much thanks)! ahhh...the joy of reading, to those with a liking and have all the time in the world that is (:

on a side note, my tembam cheeks (below) are getting better. though after much suffering from bleeding gums, throat ulcer and porridge after porridge. quaker oats was a nice alternative (:

and i still managed a smile!

holding on

mentel partner came to visit me in the morning today, bringing tau huey and chicken porridge. well, she was supposed to came yesterday morning but due to her "semangatness", she overslept! *slaps forehead* true blue mak dara...hahahh


1st JJCM indoors

no, she didn't feed me. this was just for the camera ;-b

i had to hold my cheeks most of the time to prevent myself from smiling or laughing the whole time she was around. thanks partner for "helping" me to laugh cause i can't. and please remember your chocolate boy! don't neglect him anymore ok...kesian dia *lol* :D
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ayat ayat cinta mengajar kita untuk senantiasa sabar dan ikhlas menjalani segala kekusutan dunia.

semoga kita dipenuhi dengan segenap kesabaran dan keikhlasan dalam menempuhi cabaran dan dugaan hidup.

amin.

desir pasir di padang tandus
segersang pemikiran hati
terkisah ku di antara cinta yang rumit

bila keyakinanku datang
kasih bukan sekadar cinta
pengorbanan cinta yang agung
ku pertaruhkan

maafkan bila ku tak sempurna
cinta ini tak mungkin ku cegah
ayat-ayat cinta bercerita
cintaku padamu
bila bahagia mulai menyentuh
seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama
namun harus ku tinggalkan cinta
ketika ku bersujud

home

from wisdom tooth surgery. it was quite an experience. those who know me should be aware of how penakut i am when it comes to ops. my past op experience has made me become very phobia and sensitive towards this issue. though it may be just a minor day surgery as compared to the previous more major one, i was still very anxious and scared.

the story goes back to late last year when those teeth started giving me problems. i shook it off till feb/mar this year when i finally decided to go to the polyclinic cause the pain got a tad unbearable during that period of time. got referral from the dentist to meet specialist. so i went, only to find out i had TWO impacted tooth, instead of one (or so i thought). i need a surgery...to have a normal extraction of two of the upper wisdom tooth and an op for two of the lower impacted ones. i was given 2 choices: between 1) two separate local anaesthesia to remove one upper and one lower tooth for each session and 2) one general aneasthesia to remove all FOUR at one go. being the rational me, i chose the second option simply because i think it's better to get it over and done with at one go AND i'm under general, so there's comfort in not being awake and hearing all the funny noises but feeling numb. furthermore, there might be a high possibility of me refusing to go for the second local session because i got a phobia of pain from the first.

so there you go, i opted for general anaesthesia thinking it's the smartest choice. but lo and behold, when people asked me how many tooth i'm extracting and i replied all FOUR, i got shocked/surprised/in awe response from them, making me doubt/think inside whether i'm crazy for choosing to remove all FOUR at one go (and especially since two needs to be operated, its not your normal easy, chicken-feet extractions. it's going to hurt, like mad). what am i thinking??? i started to panic silently to myself. luckily, there was exams to keep my mind very much occupied...not for long i guess.

the day finally came, today which is. didn't have much time to let my hair down and party after exams, what with tuition back to back till yesterday night. how depressing, i know. i had butterflies in my stomache from when i woke up till the time i reach the hospital. but well, in any case, i got to the day surgery clinic and was asked to change into the op robe. i was lost in the robe till the nurse had to say, "i need to check your weight" when she saw me out from the loo with my new outfit on. and so i was weighed. 40kg. not bad at all. i gained 1kg! :-D

then, i was pushed to the op room. they "parked" me outside the room because there was an ongoing op inside. i think it was the malay girl my age who went in first. while i was parked there, around 4 nurses and 3 docs (one of which was my anaesthesian) came to visit me. all of which asked me the same set of "daunting" questions: "what's your full name?" (look at hospital tag), "what's your i/c number" (look at hospital tag), "when was your last meal?", "do you have any drug allergy?", "are you having any fever, cough, runny nose?", "do you undergo any op before?", "are they any complications with your previous op?". really man, how many times do you need to ask to be very sure you are operating the right patient for the right surgery? it made me doubt, for a brief moment, i'm in safe hands and that they ever are going to be real darn certain. hahahh...ok so my turn finally came, to be pushed into the op room. and the nurse had to ask one last question, "you are really 40kg?" haishhhhhhh moving on...........

woke up with a spinning head, shivering like hell. the pain in my mouth started to sink in my brain. tilt my head left, and then to the right...no familiar faces. i cried. bawled to be more precise. the nurse had to calm me down and asked me what's the matter. i cant talk so i just shook my head n cried some more. she asked whether i'm cold. i nodded and she tucked my blanket higher. she told me she's going to push me to the ward very very soon. i was so relieved.

back at ward, saw the familiar faces i wanted to see and bawled harder. it was as if i'm trying to tell them i'm in a lot of pain but i'm very grateful to see them. i was given pain killer and tried to sleep. my tongue and lower lip were so numb, i cant even feel the water the nurse gave me...it dripped out from my mouth uncontrollably. i feel like an old haggard grandmother that needs to be nursed because she cant control her movements anymore. oh, and it doesn't help when i wanted to pee, the nurse wanted to bring a bed pan for me! i refused and forced myself out of bed, to the loo.

so now i'm home. can feel my tongue and lip. however, the stitches in my mouth are still very painful. there you go, i'm not so brave afterall. that explains why the recount is very dramatic. i'm sure many others who have undergone wisdom tooth surgery may think i'm such a baby. hehehe...

thanks to dad -- for sending me, fadzli -- for being there all the time, big bro -- for feeding me the ice cream, mum & bro -- for visiting me, mentel partner -- for your smses, nab & kak noor & latiff & abg naz & cikgu & all others who knew -- for your well wishes

*i'm all smiles (: (: (: despite............................(ok ok i shall stop here)* ;-b

over you

hmm, not exactly in the mood...but i've promised, so i shall.

the exams are finally over! despite the challenges, despite the moments of stress...i'm actually going to miss this one. the mugging sessions, the pats on the back and the encouraging words of wisdoms are all so comforting. so, my thanks to those who matters (:

err, i think i'll come back here again later...really, not an idea. till then!

you'll always be a part of me
i'm part of you indefinitely
boy, don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time can't erase a feeling this strong
no way you never gonna shake me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby